Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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