I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
