i just had sex bonerless
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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