Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
