Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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