I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
