i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
