Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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