I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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