We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
