You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
