got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
