so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
