If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
