a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
