Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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