yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
