Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
