shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
