Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
