I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
