can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
