I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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