O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
