it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
