I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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