...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I looked at my own cervix.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
