Buhtt sex?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
