I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
