And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
do nipples grow back?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
