i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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