I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
