Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Randomize
