3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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