Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Farmville is her only friend.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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