Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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