really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
