you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
