Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
