I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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