nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
