ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
