come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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