Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
