I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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