I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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