How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Alive.
So much puke
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
