I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
