i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
