I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
