The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
