You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize