We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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