I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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